


Man About Town

by MurderBaby



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Bachelor AU, DATING SHOW AU, F/F, F/M, Plot Bunny, into plot triceratops, totally for fun, unedited
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-14
Updated: 2017-03-16
Packaged: 2018-10-05 04:48:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10297874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MurderBaby/pseuds/MurderBaby
Summary: Gon Freecss has stolen the nation's heart as the star of the hit dating reality show "Man About Town." It's the most successful season ever. For first time lead producer Killua Zoldyck, it should be a time to break out the champagne and celebrate his success. As the finale episode approaches, and the list of women waiting for Gon to pop the big proposal question shrinks, there's just one, small problem.Killua Zoldyck is hopelessly, helplessly in love with the star of his career making television show.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally a goofy one shot idea that turned into a searing, obsessive brand on my brain. I am having a major bout of writer's block for lots of other projects, so I want to see how far I can take this goofy little idea. Bear with me as I use this nonsense AU to unstick my writing chops.

"Mark it."

"Rolling."

Killua nodded at his co-producer Zushi, to his left, and then pointed at the tall man wearing a golden suit that somehow matched the color of his very carefully dyed hair. 

The man took in a long breath, and smiled like he was a fox who found a whole in the chicken wire. 

"Tonight, the search for love reaches a fever pitch. Three beautiful young women. One man, already the nation's sweetheart. No matter who he chooses, we know the nation will be watching. Two roses will be handed to two love struck women. Those women will then get to spend a romantic night alone with our bachelor in the Paradise Room. The stakes have never been higher in the search for love on this season of Man About Town."

If he got sick to his stomach, and vomited all over his shoes, Killua had a plan already for how to explain it away. He was up super late last night, after all, trying to finish editing the premiere episode. 

He also couldn't stand the host, Pariston Hill, who continued to smile that phony, blood sucking smile into the camera as he tried the line again. So, you know, it would be embarrassing, but still better than the truth.

The truth was a nuclear, atomic, class-3 apocalyptic disaster. 

"Okay, we got it, Mr. Hill," Zushi piped up, interrupting Killua's clipboard hugging reverie. "Killua, sir, the talent's on his way."

Zushi was the only one who still called the star of this season's Man About Town the talent. It was always a little joke they all played on the corny, chisel jawed sacrificial lambs on the alter of heterocentrism and capitalism, but Zushi was so good at his job because he found nothing funny, and took everything seriously. 

Killua didn't do, or say, anything, because the disaster had two legs ready to meander right back onto the set. Zushi frowned, in the corner of Killua's eye. Before Zushi could give him a firm poke in the shoulder, Killua turned away from the door to the set. 

"I'll go check on the girls, okay?"

"Killua!!"

He tried to keep walking, but the tensely coiled spring of youthful, peak-of-health behind him caught up in long, bounding strides. 

"Killua! Are you okay? You were up so late last night!"

Killua must not have been dreaming, even though the chattering from his staff, and the warm hand on his shoulder was the stuff of his sleep destroying nightmares. 

He must not have been dreaming because instead of falling through the floor straight into the deepest pit of hell he turned to face the creeping, stomping horror reaching out towards him with sincere concern.

"Hey, Gon, I'm okay. I gotta go check on some stuff, okay? Zushi will get you prepped for the next segment," Killua said, eyes trained firmly on the red glow of the Exit sign over Gon Freecss's shoulder. 

Gon's eyes narrowed, for just a moment, because Killua was actually also taking in that wide, handsome face out of the corner of his eye, as he always did when they were in the same room together. No matter how sneaky Killua thought he was being, Gon always seemed to notice. Killua blinked his eyes closed, trying to pretend he wasn’t just doing exactly what he was doing.

"Okay, Killua," Gon said, not tipping his hand at all. He smiled brightly, though his eyes still questioned him. He turned away from Killua, and a flock of PAs ran over to get him prepped. 

The spell was broken, and Killua jogged away before Zushi could flag him down. 

He slammed open the doors to the set. Blinking in the bright, midday sun, Killua considered how far and how fast he could run. Would he be cleared out of the state by midnight? That might save him a little time at least. 

He could run from the executive producer, and his direct superior, Bisky Krueger. Or, at least, now he could. Back in the day, she used to run marathons and then attend pitch meetings in the same 24 hour period.

He could run, but he couldn't hide, from his brother Illumi. Eventually, Killua would need to eat, probably, or at least get desperate enough to pay to use one of those trucker showers in the gas stations that littered the long desert road out of the city. Illumi would get an alert, instantly, about where Killua had just used his card. 

None of that really mattered, though. As his feet pounded into the pavement while he looped the studio lot, the facts of the matter bounced around inside of his skull like the little metal balls in a spray paint can. He could run, and run, forever, but it wouldn't turn the truth into a lie. 

The world was set to end, at least for Killua Zoldyck, at any moment, because Killua Zoldyck was completely, totally, and hopelessly in love with Gon Freecss, the star of the hit dating reality show Killua was in charge of producing.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so surprised and pleased by the reception. I thought this AU would be too silly, but I'm glad people like it so far. This is gonna be an unedited race to the finish so I can complete this before my inspiration totally abandons me. As such, typos and such might be plentiful. My apologies. Let me know if something makes absolutely no sense.

"There you are. Soy latte with extra foam, two shots of vanilla and two shots of hazelnut. Oh, and a vanilla two bite scone."

"Good morning to you, too, Killua," Zushi grumbled. Killua looked up from his phone, surprised at the tone. Deep circles under Zushi's eyes reminded Killua how late his assistant must have been up reviewing dailies, not to mention picking up the slack Killua left behind after he burst out of the studio yesterday morning like the devil's own lap dog was yapping after him. Killua met Zushi's eyes. Zushi held his gaze as steady as his quivering, sleepy face would let him.

"Okay, fine, I'll get the coffee this morning. It's only fair. What do you drink again?"

"Oh, wow, thanks! Uh, hot chocolate, I guess?" Zushi said, his voice pitching up with uncertainty. Killua turned towards the exit and rolled his eyes.

"Boss?" Zushi said under his breath, basically, as Killua opened the door, but they both knew he had animal-like hearing, one of the reasons he was so particularly adept as a reality television show producer.

"What?" Killua asked, not turning around.

"We both know your base line is being kind of an asshole, but lately you've been..."

Killua turned back. He'd never actually heard Zushi curse before, so the insult didn't bother him so much as shock and impress him into awed silence.

"This is just totally confusing, Killua!" Zushi said. Killua was used to having the upper hand in basically every conversation, with Zushi working hard to not hold Killua's gaze for a moment too long, but this time it was Killua who wouldn't keep his eyes facing forward.

"The season is a smash success. Everything is going great! The season finale should be the most exciting one ever broadcast! But you're being so moody and quiet and weird. It doesn't make any sense."

Killua smiled. Years, and years ago, Killua had been a child actor. He never really forgot any of that stuff.

"Zushi, you worry way too much. I'm just as big of an asshole as I've always been. And, to prove it, I insist you take the opportunity to take a nice long break, and pick up those coffees yourself."

Fake it till you make it. Your smile just has to reach your eyes. Zushi huffed, but he chuckled too.

"Fine. Soy latte, extra foam, two vanilla and hazelnut, and those terrible, mass produced scones, right?"

Killua gave Zushi a hearty pat on the back and a wad of bills as his assistant walked past.

"That's why we pay you the big bucks, Zush, my dude."

No one had to see you in between takes. As Zushi sighed again, beleaguered but happier to obey than question authority, Killua sat down heavily in his desk chair like he had weights tied to his thighs.

"Fuck," Killua hissed. He dropped his head down onto his crossed arms. It was blessed silence for maybe, at most, half a second.

"You're moody, quiet, weird, and still just an asshole, but also, mostly, a terrible liar."

The oddly girlish voice of his senior citizen of a boss slithered up the back of his neck like the cold scales of a snake. He shivered, and his head shot up.

"I'm not a terrible liar, you're just the best liar ever unmolded from the primordial ooze," Killua said. His heart wasn't even in it, as Bisky just laughed at him, instead of retorting immediately.

"Flattery won't get you anywhere today, little Zoldyck. You're the one who made this problem, so you're the one who has to fix it."

Killua's instinctual need to snap back at Bisky's patronizing tone fizzled in his throat like uncorked champagne.

"Problem?" Killua said. He squeaked, actually, and Bisky clearly noticed. She didn't need to say anything as she raised one flawlessly manicured eyebrow.

"Ah, that's right, you're the one who ran full tilt out of the studio before we started filming, so you never saw the..." Bisky explained, and then stopped. She raised one finger in a lazy loop, and looked toward the ceiling, searching the drop ceiling for inspiration. Killua groaned, and dropped his head back to the desk.

"Yeah, let's just take a look together, okay?" Bisky said. She grabbed Killua by the shoulders in order to pull his chair back from the desk. Killua stayed slumped over his lap, sighing loudly as Bisky completely ignored his personal bubble to lean over his almost-corpse to pull up a still raw piece of footage on the computer, and press play. 

"Well, it's certainly been a wild ride!" slithered out the oozing, carefully polished voice of Pariston Hill, the host of _Man About Town._ Killua moaned like it was painful just to hear the man speak. "The next step is getting an opportunity to spend some alone time with the three women you've decided you want to get to know in an up close, and intimate way. Would you say you're ready for that next step?"

A very, very long, very unedited pause followed. Killua didn't even have to look up at the monitor to know how much it would need to be trimmed. He counted the beats of Bisky's impatient foot tapping, and then he heard the silence break.

"I'm really not sure, Paris," Gon said, quietly. Killua's head popped up, and Bisky exhaled with frustration as Killua finally began to pay attention. Gon's voice sounded dark. Out of character. Killua cringed. Gon's "character," the role his words and behaviors had been carefully edited, tailored and molded to fit. A big, brightly smiling man with a heart of gold, a sad past, and a hopeful future. Lovable and sincere to a fault. 

Gon's smiled faltered, and Killua watched him struggle to bring it back. It didn't work. 

"I'm really sorry, Pariston," Gon finally said. Surprisingly, Pariston could be heard making a genuine sounding little noise, as if he suddenly stopped being a heartless cyborg born in a lab to host TV shows, and instead temporarily became a human. 

"We're all rooting for you, Gon," Pariston said, sincerely. "Take your time."

The camera had been focused on Gon. It was meant to be a simple talking-head interview. Just a chance for Gon to keep repeating the themes of the season.

"I think I might have made a terrible mistake," Gon admitted. He looked up, and then at the camera. Steely eyed, set jaw, as if he'd just admitted to the murder and was ready to be marched to the electric chair. 

Pariston sounded genuinely surprised as he said "Oh!" Bisky sounded genuinely furious as she muttered "Goddammit," and clicked closed the video player.

Killua said nothing. He couldn't himself think over the sound of the blood pounding in his ears. Bisky continued tapping her feet. She waited with her arms akimbo, as Killua turned to look at her, not able to do much but blink.

"This is a problem, Killua!"

"I mean..." Killua started, and Bisky sighed, but he managed to gather his thoughts. "This isn't the first time the star has had cold feet. I mean, it isn't that difficult to understand. Dude has abandonment issues, and has never been in a long term relationship. I don't see why we can't just work this..."

Killua expected Bisky's eye brows to be raised, her lips to be pursed in frustration, her tongue just waiting to wag back at him.

Instead, she looked sad. She was almost frowning. No, not even sad.

"This is your problem, Killua," Bisky said. Quietly.

Pityingly.

Bisky pitied him.

Fuck.

"Wait, what are you talking about?" Killua shot back. Anger. That was always a good distraction. It would explain the red flush on his face.

"Oh Killua, come on, here..." Bisky said, and then she clucked her tongue as she leaned back over to pull up another clip. 

It was another piece of raw footage. Very raw. In between sequences. This must have been the croquet game in the city's biggest park. The winner was the short, friendly girl who wasn't much longer for the series when Killua saw Gon realize she couldn't really handle how much energy Gon had. They were gonna go on a date later, riding a carriage through the park. But, Gon had stepped away. Said he'd needed just a moment. They didn't even stop rolling. No one bothered to turn off the mics.

Gon waved at Killua. And then waved him over. Killua watched himself enter the frame, which was always jolting.

The sound was muffled, but audible.

"I'm sorry," Gon started. Killua shook his head. 

"For what, dude? The bit is going great so far. The girls all had a great time, and you look good."

"I just..." Gon started. He looked at Killua, frowned, and then looked at his feet. "I feel like I'm lying."

Killua could remember clearly what went through his head that day. 

_"You don't have to tell the whole truth, dude. Just the parts that make sure you can keep at this for another day."_

He'd given this pep talk to countless other stars. The ones who genuinely thought they'd find the woman of their dreams, and the ones who knew this was just a stepping stone to their misbegotten dreams of 15 minutes of fame. 

Gon didn't really seem to want either of those things. They both knew it.

So, Killua didn't give his usual pep talk that day.

"You should do what makes you happy," Killua finally said. Killua watched himself say that, and his stomach churned at the memory. He watched as he must have felt equally unsteady, with both hands nervously clipping and unclipping the empty clipboard in his hands. 

It was the smile of a real, honest to God star. It filled the whole screen up with his joy. Gon smiled. 

"That's good advice, Killua, thank you. You're really smart," Gon said. Killua gave Gon a shove in the arm, and shook his head. 

"Dude, don't woo me. Go woo the ladies, okay?"

Gon didn't say anything. His smiling lips straightened. 

"I'll try," Gon said. They nodded at each other.

The clip cut then to something else, and it ran in the background as Bisky stepped away from the desk towards what must be the actual meeting on her schedule she'd decided to be fashionably late to so she could attend to her quivering mess of a producer, instead.

"Your job is to find our man about town a fiance, Killua," Bisky explained. "It's not to make him happy."

"Bisky, I..."

"He can be happy when it's all over, and he quietly dumps her off camera in a few weeks. Okay? And you," Bisky stopped. She turned towards him, and pointed her flawlessly manicured red nail at him. "And you need to fix this before his happiness gets your infatuated ass fired."

The door slammed. Killua dropped his head in his hands. 

It would be for the best, anyway. Killua had lost sleep since the beginning of filming worrying about how this was going to end. Which girl Gon would choose. If this would finally let Killua move out of the reality show ghetto he'd found himself in. 

Then, Killua started to worry that Gon actually would find a girl. His girl. His fiance. His future wife. 

It would be for the best, then, if Gon did just hurry up and settle, right? Get out of Killua's life, figure out the whole thing was a mistake, and hate everyone involved for trying to force a genuinely good, genuinely kind man to turn his quest for love into the crassest form of mass entertainment.

It would be for the best if Gon hated Killua, too, because the alternative was Gon actually falling in love. Killua hated himself, just like Gon should, for desperately hoping this never happened. That Gon didn't find his future wife on this television show.

That none of this had to end. 

His phone beeped. He'd gotten his text in the past 20 minutes from the same number. 

_found another cat in the backlot that looks like you see_

_white fur and blue eyes_

_there's a whole family_

_theyre all pretty little guys, and smart_

_slow though, too, just like you :P_

_i chased em down easy_

And then a picture. Brown eyes framing a smile so wide that it looked like it must hurt. Holding his phone with awkward care in one hand as another hand held a tiny cat near his face, both of them facing the selfie side of the cell phone Killua told him he had to buy, so he'd stop getting lost during filming. 

Wandering off to chase down stray dogs, or pet cats. Running away to climb a tree. Pointing at a body of icy water in a Scandinavian country and daring Killua to jump in after. Following Killua on lunch to some hidden spot to try food he couldn't even really pronounce. 

Waiting for everyone to stop looking for them both at the end of the night so Killua could stay in Gon's hotel room to watch old action films and arm wrestle and laugh so hard Gon worried Killua's rib had cracked. He'd nearly hauled Killua over his shoulder to take him to the hotel doctor's office, but Killua managed to come to his sense and flee the scene before his blush told the whole damning story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on tumblr! [murderxbaby.tumblr.com](http://murderxbaby.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Thank you for reading and thinking this AU isn't the huge silly joke I thought it was.
> 
> I mean, it's still a joke, but maybe you like reading it anyway?

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on tumblr! [http:murderxbaby.tumblr.com](http://murderxbaby.tumblr.com/)


End file.
